Monday, May 21, 2018

Creating a safe environment of acceptance of issues which are hard to talk about ,”Says Vatsyayan

A still from the film Silver Linings

Will stars outshine stigma?

THE ASIAN AGE. | KAVI BHANDARI Published : May 22, 2018, 12:03 am IST
....It’s very easy to accept physical illness, whereas one tends to equate the mind to ones existence and sense of self. “Having something wrong with one’s mind leads to the feeling of losing oneself, which can be quite frightening. This in turn leads to suppression or denial of one’s state of mind. The only way to deal with this is to face it,” says Dr Mamta Shah, Clinical Psychologist.

On the other hand, life coach Suneel Vatsyayan, feels it doesn’t have a large impact, “It is temporary. We welcome and respect their courage to talk about their mental health issues and it is good for them to talk once they have gained strength. People put celebrities on high pedestal and there is a disconnect. Celebrities have star power and good intentions, but it needs sustained efforts like Deepika Padukone’s foundation about mental health. More and people need to come forward from different walks of life with their personal experience in creating a safe environment of acceptance of issues which are hard to talk about,” he signs off.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Media concealed the details and processes behind Kate’s public appearance...says Life Coach S.Vatsyayan

Kate Middleton’s flawless public appearance, barely seven hours after giving birth, did not go well with moms who saw it as setting unreal standards.
Kate Middleton’s flawless public appearance, barely seven hours after giving birth, did not go well with moms who saw it as setting unreal standards. We explore what all it takes for one to embrace the tough side of pregnancy and motherhood....
Counselor and life coach Suneel Vatsyayan strongly believes that the media concealed the details and processes behind Kate’s public appearance. “We always look at people from a distance so we miss the details. How a woman accepts her body as a mother is important and not to forget, culture-specific. But when we identify ourselves in comparison with others, we undervalue ourselves and motherhood.”

 A homemaker, Samriddhi Suri, who recently became a mother feels that it is a constant battle between body, mind and soul. “It’s around the clock job without any appreciation or incentive, purely based on personal contentment. It’s the most fulfilling experience for any woman but the societal pressure of being a “perfect mom” adds to the mental stress. Adding to the agony, celebrity mothers set unrealistic targets for being an ‘ideal’ mother,” shares the 26-year-old.

To each his own
Author Meghna Pant gave birth nine months ago and within few weeks she was busy shooting for her show. “I realised I was giving myself a hard time with those extra pounds and I became self-conscious. Despite being evolved and being a feminist, you are not used to seeing slightly larger women on screen, whatever the reason be,” says Pant, who asserts the need to normalise body shapes of all type. “If you are a mother and want to shed the extra weight, then it is your prerogative. The same way we shouldn’t judge Kate or any women for looking the way they want to. And if it is the profession that requires you to look thin, then good for you. Trust me it is a lot of work to get your body back in shape.”

At the same time, author Kiran Manral says, “We have to realise Kate is not the typical new mother. She is a royal and there are expectations of certain perfection. She definitely has help, even her stylist went to the hospital to make sure she is well groomed before she steps out. Whereas, we are least bothered at the time of pregnancy as to how we look. I think to each his own. While there are some who care to look presentable, for some it is not even a point of concern.”

Stealing the thunder
But the folly lies in expecting every mother to be immaculately groomed after delivery. There have been articles floating around telling women how to look like Kate after delivery. Why are these unrealistic expectations being set? “If one wishes to look like Kate well and good, if not let her be. Whats important is not to downplay how difficult the process of giving birth is by shifting the whole focus on looks post one’s pregnancy. Giving birth is the most difficult experience. By changing the entire narrative of how a woman looks after delivery and ignoring the fact that her body has changed drastically, you are doing a disservice,” says Kiran. She blames the social pressure and the constant fear of being trolled for the same. “People can be snide but women should remember that it was your body that has nurtured a life for nine months despite a lot of stress and changes. This is the body you should respect instead of belittling it. Sadly, our society doesn’t accept the fact that motherhood is the toughest part of a woman’s life — a matter of life and death — our society diminishes the entire experience,” she adds.

Reality strikes
The image created by the celebrities often makes people yearn to reach the beauty standards that talk about glowing skin during pregnancy. But they often find themselves falling short of these expectations and standards. Shahnaz Husain feels that the rise of social media has had a part to play in raising the standards that one wants to achieve. “People post happy pictures of their pregnancy and motherhood. But in reality, there is a dark side to it, with anxieties about coping with the new motherhood status, the post-partum blues, weight gain, stretch marks, lack of sleep, the stress of managing children and so on. However, help is not far away. We must first accept the fact that we do not have to conform to any standards and expectations. Talk to your doctor or consult a psychologist. Counseling, a nutritious diet and breathing exercises can help you get back on track and enjoy this wonderful phase of life,” says Husain....