Ways to Help When a Parent is Being Abused

Knowing a loved one is being abused, whether it’s emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical, can be overwhelming. Anger, guilt, and feelings of helplessness are common, and though we want to help, we don’t always know how. Especially when the person being abused is a parent.

When abuse is happening between people we love, it can be hard to know what to do, but there are steps you can take to navigate this unhealthy situation and provide support to those who need it most.

1. Talk with the Abused Parent
It’s important to understand, people in unhealthy relationships usually have a low self-esteem. Abusers thrive on control, so their partners are made to feel powerless, often living in a state of constant fear and anxiety. The first time you bring up your concerns, your parent may not be ready to talk. Be sensitive and respectful of their boundaries.

Begin by reaffirming your love in a private space, then gently express your concern. For example: “I love you, which is why it upsets me when I see (unhealthy behavior) happen to you. You don’t deserve that, and I’m worried about your safety and wellbeing.” This is more effective than negative, emotionally-charged statements, such as, “I can’t believe you put up with that! What are you thinking?”

Avoid confronting or putting down the abuser. Statements that place the abused parent on the defense or make them feel bad will act as a barrier to establishing trust. Remember, victims of intimate partner abuse (IPV) usually harbor a deep love for their partner; you cannot be dismissive of that if you want to reach them.
https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-ways-help-parent-abused/

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